Microaggressions in Everyday Life

     My son is dating a girl from work. As a child, her hand was amputated. She is a cashier at the local grocery store and a good one. However, I have heard many well-meaning customers make comments such as "Wow, look at her go. She's fast!" Truthfully, she is faster at her job than many of the other cashiers, but the implication behind their statements is that she's fast for a girl with one hand. These customers are paying her what they believe to be a genuine compliment, but she does not see it that way. She has reached the point where she just does not acknowledge the comment and pretends she did not hear it.  When my son or I hear these comments, we just shake our heads, and I am sure that we have an expression on our faces that says "That was a stupid thing to say." Out of respect for her, we do not make a scene or say anything. She has become so accustomed to it, she no longer reacts.  

                                                      

     Clearly, the underlying assumption here is that she should be slow or slower at her job because she has a missing hand. As I reflect on her situation, it occurs to me that she may be working harder at her job than others because of her disability. If she worked at the same pace or at a slower pace, she could believe that this will be blamed on her disability. If she works faster and more efficiently than the others, she could be seen as overcompensating for her disability. Either way, she opens herself up to microaggressive comments from customers and co-workers. Although these customers are truly trying to be supportive, they inadvertently put a spot-light on her for her disability. They also take credit away from other cashiers that work just a hard as she does. This causes an underlying tension with other co-workers that she does not deserve or ask for. 

                                                       

     This is what microaggression does among many other things. The victim is sometimes placed in an unwanted spot-light, forced into an unwanted conversation with the aggressor, or forced to ignore the aggressor all-together. In a few instances, she has ignored the person that believes they are paying her a compliment. Sometimes, the person does not pursue the conversation but other times they get offended that she ignores them or does not say "Thank you." Basically, she receives an unwanted compliment and has to choose to respond or ignore and then face the consequences of either. It is an odd predicament that she is placed in daily.