Group and Project Work at CD 1

     I have not had the opportunity to participate in any team or group projects in my professional setting. I have certainly participated in overall program improvements but never any projects with a specific goal or timeline.  I have, however, had the opportunity to participate in a training group this past summer at a Conscious Discipline training. At the beginning of the Conscious Disciple CD 1 training, a week-long 43 hour CD training, we were seated randomly. I was seated with a group of people I had never met. There were teachers from all over the nation at our table of eight. None of us knew one another but by the end of the week we were all friends!

     The week began with introductions and required interactive activities. These were conducted in the normal, tentative manner typical of people that do not know one another and have not built trust. By days two and three, we began to work together, talk, and learn about each other's professional lives.  By day four, we were opening up about our personal lives. By day five, we were a little disappointed at having to do activities with other groups. 

     My colleagues were in different groups that were not getting along as well. As a result, their learning experience was greatly affected, and they expressed concern at dinner each evening with their group leader's ability to conduct inclusive conversations and interactions. The leader of my group was quite adept at including everyone and making each of us feel as though we were valuable contributors to the conversation. 

     As we adjourned our group after seven days together, we had a photo made with the training instructor, we went to lunch together, and created a Facebook group where we can all still communicate about our CD journey. We also made sure we took plenty of photos and exchanged contact information. The likelihood that we will see one another again is not great as we live in different states. However, we still keep in touch via social media and email. I believe that these types of connections are made for a reason and it is important to maintain them to the best of our ability. 

     As we progress through our journey for our Masters, there are many of you that I hope to meet in person. I genuinely enjoy discussions and blogs with each of you and I look forward to a face-to-face conversation! 

     Conflict Resolution 

     Our Blog assignment this week asks us to reflect on a conflict in our life. I have previously alluded to a conflict with someone that could have a tremendous effect on my life both professionally and personally. My primary strategy for dealing with this conflict has been to wait. This sounds counter-intuitive and for me this is unnatural. My personality lends itself to immediate confrontation. This situation, however, required a more tempered approach as I observed, listened, and empathized with the aggressor. As a result, my second strategy was to examine my own intent. Throughout this process, I have often asked myself why I want to pursue this conflict. What is my intent? At the beginning, my intent was to suppress this person's nature and to prevent a move into a more powerful position. I decided this intent was selfish and inappropriate. My intent then moved more towards trying to stop the behavior in an effort to buffer others from the effects. I still considered this an insufficient justification for approaching this conflict. Only recently, did I shift my intent to approaching this conflict for the best interest of the offender.

     Just as I would with children, I recognize that this person is lacking the skills necessary to communicate in a nonviolent manner. In addition, there are many years of baggage and some trauma factoring in to her communication skills. She is unable to be vulnerable and has consequently developed very aggressive behaviors in an effort to appear powerful and respectable. Instead, the behavior presents as defensive and demeaning to others. When I was finally able to access my own compassion for this person's situation, I was able to move towards a more effective way to confront the issue. I still have not had a direct audience with this individual, and I do not know that I ever will. I have, however, been able to take a step in the right direction to improve the situation. I can no longer allow myself to pass off this individual's behavior as simply just mean or arrogant. After our discussion post on non-violent communication, I must look at this individual with understanding and compassion.

Communication Analysis

My Communication Styles 

     Comparing my analysis of my own communication style to other's analysis of my communication style was quite interesting. It was not, however, interesting in the manner I thought it would be. When I completed the communication anxiety, verbal aggression, and listening profiles, I did so with my professional communication skills in mind which are admittedly better than my communication skills at home. I decided to do them with my home communication skills in mind on the listening and verbal aggression sections. I scored much worse in both of those with my home communication skills in mind. As a result, I asked my family, who very rarely sees me in a professional setting or public speaking engagements, to complete all three. I really thought they would score me higher in verbal aggression than and listening based on my home communication skills. I even assured them that I would only see scores and not answers. I also left the room while they completed it. They were also responsible for printing the sheets and placing them in an envelope to give to me after every one was done. I tried to give them an opportunity to be anonymously honest with me about how I communicate at home. They all told me the scores and who gave them. 

     I truly feel like I am significantly more aggressive because I am more comfortable at home. Apparently, they do not see it that way. They ranked me almost completely in line with my own assessment of my professional communication skills. The following shows their scores and my second scores with my home communication in mind. 

The rankings were as follows: 

My husband: 

Communication Anxiety 22

        Verbal Aggressiveness Scale  68

 Listening Styles Profile  32

My oldest son: 

Communication Anxiety 23

        Verbal Aggressiveness Scale  61

 Listening Styles Profile  56

My youngest son: 

Communication Anxiety 29

       Verbal Aggressiveness Scale  58

 Listening Styles Profile  42

My scores: 

Communication Anxiety 28

        Verbal Aggressiveness Scale  70

Listening Styles Profile  9

     I am not at all surprised that my husband gave me the highest score in verbal aggression because he is often the one that gets to hear my frustrations and uncontrolled thoughts about how other people act. However, he did note that its not directed at him and that he found that filling this out was really difficult. They all ranked me as people-oriented in my listening style while I consider my home listening style to be more time oriented. At work, my job is to listen. At home, I have so much to do that I feel like I do not listen well and I cut them off mid story.

     Although their assessments were much more flattering than I expected, I still see room for improvement. If I view my home communication as aggressive, then I need to change them. I believe that many of the verbal exchanges I have with my family leave me with regret, so regardless of their view, I need to tone it down. My goal would be to communicate more without raising my voice. Another goal would be to listen without a timeline which is going to be difficult. I am always moving, doing, going, and running. Sometimes I realize, even if they do not, that I did not fully comprehend the story my son just told me. I need to be more present, more aware, and more attentive by simply stopping for a few minutes and listening.