Conflict Resolution
Our Blog assignment this week asks us to reflect on a conflict in our life. I have previously alluded to a conflict with someone that could have a tremendous effect on my life both professionally and personally. My primary strategy for dealing with this conflict has been to wait. This sounds counter-intuitive and for me this is unnatural. My personality lends itself to immediate confrontation. This situation, however, required a more tempered approach as I observed, listened, and empathized with the aggressor. As a result, my second strategy was to examine my own intent. Throughout this process, I have often asked myself why I want to pursue this conflict. What is my intent? At the beginning, my intent was to suppress this person's nature and to prevent a move into a more powerful position. I decided this intent was selfish and inappropriate. My intent then moved more towards trying to stop the behavior in an effort to buffer others from the effects. I still considered this an insufficient justification for approaching this conflict. Only recently, did I shift my intent to approaching this conflict for the best interest of the offender.
Just as I would with children, I recognize that this person is lacking the skills necessary to communicate in a nonviolent manner. In addition, there are many years of baggage and some trauma factoring in to her communication skills. She is unable to be vulnerable and has consequently developed very aggressive behaviors in an effort to appear powerful and respectable. Instead, the behavior presents as defensive and demeaning to others. When I was finally able to access my own compassion for this person's situation, I was able to move towards a more effective way to confront the issue. I still have not had a direct audience with this individual, and I do not know that I ever will. I have, however, been able to take a step in the right direction to improve the situation. I can no longer allow myself to pass off this individual's behavior as simply just mean or arrogant. After our discussion post on non-violent communication, I must look at this individual with understanding and compassion.
Hi Rebecca,
ReplyDeleteIt is normal for us to be confrontational in any conflict but the wise thing is to take a deep breath and wait. It was a good thing to have listened to the aggressor and examine what brought about the conflict and your intention as you did. It is wise to have taken the stand that you did not to suppress or prevent the person’s promotion. It takes a lot to change stand for the good of others and not for ourselves. As an administrator, I have come to realize that the sources of conflict include; shared resources, differences in goals, difference in perceptions and values, disagreements in the role requirements, nature of work, activities and individual approaches. Plunkett and Attner (1989)
I believe it is a good thing to recognize the fact that the other person in the conflict does not know better. The use of NVC principles of communication would have been useful in this issue because it gives us an increased understanding, deepening connection and conflict resolution in our schools or organizations.
The principles of NVC positively impact communication and the way we contribute to any relationship based on cooperation and collaboration with others. It helps transform potential conflicts into peaceful dialogues by all parties concerned. CNVC. (2018). It is good that you have decided to look at the person with understanding and compassion. It will be wise to use the
principles of NVC because it positively impact communication and the way we contribute to any relationship based on cooperation and collaboration with others. CNVC. (2018).
References:
Plunkett, W.R.and Raymond, F. Attner (1989) Existence of Conflicts
between Teachers and ... IOSR Journals. Retrieved from:
www.iosrjournals.org/iosr-jbm/papers/Vol20-Issue 2/version-
1/B2002010925.pdf
The Center for Nonviolent Communication, CNVC. (2018).
Foundations of NVC,Retrieved from http://www.cnvc.org.
Rebecca,
ReplyDeleteI can understand were you are forming. I t is easy to first judge a person as being wrong if they are aggressive in their manner of communication. My often would tell me I need to walk in the other person's shoes to see where they are coming from. I will be honest I found that it was easier for me to just pass judgment. I am learning just as you to stop ,take a deep breath, and listen to what the other person has to say. I found that with practices it does come easier however people seem to think this make me a push over. Once everyone has stated their opinion I simple tell them that I want to make sure I am understanding the person correctly instead of causing more trouble by just jumping in. Thank you for your post and good luck in the future.
Elaine
Hello Rebecca
ReplyDeleteI really applaud your actions and honesty towards your decisions.Rebecca I believe you have the skills and communication abilities to be a team leader. The stand that you took was done in a professional manner and you made the decision and stood by it. You chose for the bet interest for those involved and that was honorable. Thank you for your honesty
Rebecca
ReplyDeleteOnce again you impressed me with this post. I usually enjoy all of your posts but this one seemed to be the best for me by far. I wish I could be so rational in conflicting situations. You see I believe that I am always so pleasant with everyone I come into contact with, so conflict usually hurts me to my core, and I am unable to retreat as you did. I am unable to feel that kind of compassion and think logically when in conflict. I always find myself thinking more about how it makes me feel. However, this week assignments have certainly thought me a lot, and reading these experiences from you and others will certainly guide my behavior and help me to look at things more positively and resolve conflicts more peacefully. I think I already started because i was giving advice to my sister this morning! So funny!
Sometimes the best thing to do is wait. While it is hard for some, it is something that I find myself often doing. While it is best to wait at times and calm yourself down, it can cause you to think more about the situation and make you upset. I wish you the best of luck with handling your situation.
ReplyDelete